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Would You Talk To Your Child About Sex?
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E-mailMade Popular Jan 31 2009
Uganda :
A parent unrivalling the intricacies in sex to a child has not been a common and easy practice. Most would rather let the child grow up, find out about sex and solely search for the answers to the numerous questions they encounter during this turbulent stage.
HIV/AIDS has claimed a huge population in Uganda due to this parent-child taboo communication about sex. It has now come to a point in time where parents have realized that without being bold enough to explain sex to their blosoming teens, could like sending their teens to the open jaws of fatal HIV virus.
Now a question arises, how do you talk your child about sex? A roadside survey on kampala’s streets shows varying and interesting opinions:
Henry Oriokot, 31, Consultant
Allow the children to tell you whatever they know about sex and be clear about whatever they ask because they become more curious and intent on exploring once they suspect any lies. Tell them to imagine how they would feel if their own daughter was impregnated and could not go back to school due to the shame that comes along. That will get the children thinking and disinterested in early sex attempts.
Imagine if they had a child? I could barely imagine how babies were made at 15!
George’s opinion, definately a parent, and more advanced in age is more interesting and greatly reflects how the current generation has been brought up. Not mentioning where they get all their answers regarding sexuality.
George Winyi, 56, Businessman
That is a touchy subject and it is not easy. In fact I would not address it. However, it is the role of the teachers to enlighten the children. As they teach, they can mention the sex issue and all the problems related to it when you are not married. Children tend to be freer with their teachers than their parents.
Strong barriers regarding culture and taboos need to be broken down in people’s thinking before further success against spread the HIV/AIDS scourge is declared. Now, that the youth are embracing change, the future definitely looks bright.
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What we humans need is a better balance of logic over emotion and with emotion the strongest, governments and stronger thinkers can convince the over emotional people do the stupidest thinks, like acting on things for the most none sensible reason ,thus people die early or follow the brainwashers of the world ,one can bring a better balance but very few in the world are capable because we are set to follow not lead,and get a storey like this one
(Global Perspectives)
It is our emotions that have kept us alive, for the most part. It is our emotions that allow us to share with others what we have learned about life...not keeping it to ourselves.
Logic is a tool that we use, when used properly, guided by our emotions. To strip one away form the other cripples us.
Common sense became what it is because someone experiences life and shares what they have learned with others around them. To not share is to be power hungry so that others suffer needlessly.
Emotional courage allows use to go beyond our fears in an attempt to help others.
Bless you
Logic is a tool that we use, when used properly, guided by our emotions. To strip one away form the other cripples us.
Common sense became what it is because someone experiences life and shares what they have learned with others around them. To not share is to be power hungry so that others suffer needlessly.
Emotional courage allows use to go beyond our fears in an attempt to help others.
Bless you
(Global Perspectives)
”To not share is to be power hungry so that others suffer needlessly.” - Timo, this would be a nice quote for my president and that of zimbabwe ;-)
(Local Perspectives)
Your answer tells it as i said-emotion is what nature uses to pass on the strongest genes making the most emotional leave earth first
(Global Perspectives)
Hi Wayne,
”Your answer tells it as i said-{emotion is what nature uses to pass on the strongest genes} making the most emotional leave earth first.”
I’m not sure that we are on the same page here...Stronger genes usually = enhanced chance of survival. There is need for both emotion and deductive reasoning skills (Logic).
Back to the meat of Johns story. New realities make today’s parents face challenges that were not ’exactly’ the same as the generations before. Uganda’s taboos are the same the we face here. Both logic and emotional courage cause these changes in our behavior. The lack of either dooms us to perish in ever greater numbers.
Balance is key and critical here. Don’t be afraid to FEEL!
”Your answer tells it as i said-{emotion is what nature uses to pass on the strongest genes} making the most emotional leave earth first.”
I’m not sure that we are on the same page here...Stronger genes usually = enhanced chance of survival. There is need for both emotion and deductive reasoning skills (Logic).
Back to the meat of Johns story. New realities make today’s parents face challenges that were not ’exactly’ the same as the generations before. Uganda’s taboos are the same the we face here. Both logic and emotional courage cause these changes in our behavior. The lack of either dooms us to perish in ever greater numbers.
Balance is key and critical here. Don’t be afraid to FEEL!
(Global Perspectives)
Logic tells us that we are a soft tissue animal that can die in millions of ways but we live- because of emotion in a dizzy world of life that is forever or i am invincible or some stronger thinkers like governments using border and flags put shiney medals on people to make them do stupid things .Logic wouldn’t risk it’s own self or do things illogical to others but best think of ways to enhance life, not destroy it ,emotion spends more time and money and resources to think of ways to destroy life than save it –now thats your emotion at work ,emotion locks your train of thought laughing all the way knowing because of your chemistry you can’t escape
(Global Perspectives)
I’M GOING TO BE VERY HONEST: I am not very comfortable talking about sex with my children, with my boys and especially not with my 10 year old only daughter. BUT IT IS VERY NECESSARY!
My wife had our oldest son at a VERY young age..She was one of those ”rare oddities” in the statistics. She didn’t come from a broken home, but from a very united family, she didn’t use drugs and was a very studious, dedicated student..WE, her and I, simply thought: it can’t happen to us.
Twney two years later, we are still together and have an additional two children, but it was not easy: for her family, mine, and especially not her.
The problem is society still wants to maintain ”sex” as taboo, all the while shoving it down our kids throats from a very early age via different sorts of media.
This comment:
”That is a touchy subject and it is not easy. In fact I would not address it. However, it is the role of the teachers to enlighten the children. As they teach, they can mention the sex issue and all the problems related to it when you are not married. Children tend to be freer with their teachers than their parents.”
-sadly is a very common reaction: but it is a scapegoat..Teachers ARE NOT responsible to educate our children about sexuality or it’s dangers: They may be able to assist, but it is not their job..
Apart from that, in many countries, including mine, sex education class is not permitted..Numerous times the government has tried to implent the class, but both the Church and Parents protest it.
While I have admited to being uncomfortable in talking sex with my children, I would NEVER shy away from it. Luckily my wife is a little more at ease, and our three children have a very open, trusting relationship with her.
The downside of sex is no longer about simple unwanted pregnancy. Children need to be educated as it can very well be the difference between life and death.
My wife had our oldest son at a VERY young age..She was one of those ”rare oddities” in the statistics. She didn’t come from a broken home, but from a very united family, she didn’t use drugs and was a very studious, dedicated student..WE, her and I, simply thought: it can’t happen to us.
Twney two years later, we are still together and have an additional two children, but it was not easy: for her family, mine, and especially not her.
The problem is society still wants to maintain ”sex” as taboo, all the while shoving it down our kids throats from a very early age via different sorts of media.
This comment:
”That is a touchy subject and it is not easy. In fact I would not address it. However, it is the role of the teachers to enlighten the children. As they teach, they can mention the sex issue and all the problems related to it when you are not married. Children tend to be freer with their teachers than their parents.”
-sadly is a very common reaction: but it is a scapegoat..Teachers ARE NOT responsible to educate our children about sexuality or it’s dangers: They may be able to assist, but it is not their job..
Apart from that, in many countries, including mine, sex education class is not permitted..Numerous times the government has tried to implent the class, but both the Church and Parents protest it.
While I have admited to being uncomfortable in talking sex with my children, I would NEVER shy away from it. Luckily my wife is a little more at ease, and our three children have a very open, trusting relationship with her.
The downside of sex is no longer about simple unwanted pregnancy. Children need to be educated as it can very well be the difference between life and death.
(Global Perspectives)
Nice to hear some people are taking the job as parents serious –keep up the good work
(Global Perspectives)
Wayne,
Thanks, but it how can a parent NOT take open communication with their children serious...
There’s no way in hell I could justify working night and day in efforts to protect my kids from being killed or kidnapped in this drug war, only to see their lives snuffed by sexual ignorance.
The truth might hurt and might be uncormfortable, but the DEATH of my child would be much greater.
Parents need to open their eyes and FACE REALITY! IGNORANCE NOT ONLY BLINDS, BUT KILLS!
Thanks, but it how can a parent NOT take open communication with their children serious...
There’s no way in hell I could justify working night and day in efforts to protect my kids from being killed or kidnapped in this drug war, only to see their lives snuffed by sexual ignorance.
The truth might hurt and might be uncormfortable, but the DEATH of my child would be much greater.
Parents need to open their eyes and FACE REALITY! IGNORANCE NOT ONLY BLINDS, BUT KILLS!
(Global Perspectives)
Bravo Oscar....Bravo! As you are proud of your children, they will grow and flourish in your love for them, Bless you!
Wayne I am appreciating your point a bit more .... We do in fact have common ground here, I look forward to further discussions.
John, thank you for bringing this discussion to life!
Tim
Wayne I am appreciating your point a bit more .... We do in fact have common ground here, I look forward to further discussions.
John, thank you for bringing this discussion to life!
Tim
(Global Perspectives)
Oscar! Man, thats great sharing you done there!
How do you manage to do it? Build up all this trust with your kids or at least your wife? This seems to be the problem..
After the kid gets older from say 7 years onwards, they tend to become secretive and less loving towards their parents or is it the reverse?
And because of this, they cannot feel relaxed discussing issues like boyfriends, crush, or feelings with their parents. They would instead feel more free to talk about the same things with their peers or their friendly teacher at school. It has happened to me.. (Gosh, i hate to admit!)
How do you do it? Maybe when i get kids of my own, i would try to follow your example.
Thanks Oscar!
How do you manage to do it? Build up all this trust with your kids or at least your wife? This seems to be the problem..
After the kid gets older from say 7 years onwards, they tend to become secretive and less loving towards their parents or is it the reverse?
And because of this, they cannot feel relaxed discussing issues like boyfriends, crush, or feelings with their parents. They would instead feel more free to talk about the same things with their peers or their friendly teacher at school. It has happened to me.. (Gosh, i hate to admit!)
How do you do it? Maybe when i get kids of my own, i would try to follow your example.
Thanks Oscar!
(Local Perspectives)
John,
While Mexico is very ”modernized and mature” as far as sexuality (for the most post, this obviously doesnot include our very rural and indigenous areas), we are still very much a ”God-fearing- all is taboo” country when it comes to communication..
The typical ”actions are one thing, talking about it another” way of thinking...IMAGINE what children of our society are going thru? With this in mind, there is no other option but for PARENTS to adapt...Like I said, when you look at it as the possibility of life and death, it becomes much easier and even if it isn’t easy, open communication becomes a top priority obligation..
Like I said, I can’t take all the credit for my kids and our communication, as I enjoy the ”benefits after the fact”: my wife is on the ”front line”...
I have a ”not so subtle” way of speaking..even when I do not mean it, my words at times seem harsh...On the other hand, my wife will listen, patiently...and then give her opinion, her lessons, share her ”truths”. She doesn’t just preach..She invites communication by asking their thoughts.
”what do you think will become of this”, ”have you thought about that?”, ”why do you want this”, etc...She forces them to evaluate, to think...This has been going on since they were very little.
She doesn’t hide: she has spoken to each of them and has never hidden from their questions about anything..I have watched her squirm at being opened like a book for our kids and I have watched her almost bite her tongue in two to avoid reacting before listening first, but I am seeing our children flourish because of it..I, on the other hand, recieve the benfitis as our children now feel at ease with me as well...
Currently, our kids are 10 ,15 , and 22..Our youngest son is on the path to asking, for the first time, for a girl to be his girlfriend..This has been a three month endevor with ups and downs, fear and nerves for him, yet we have all stood behind him.. Our 22 year old, amazingly enough for our society, seldom drinks and does not use drugs:He is a contant figure in our home and interacts with all of us, not just coming and going between school and friends.
Our ten year old daughter...She is the one that will break me, personally..She is the one I cannot control my emotions before reacting..She came home asking at what age she could have a boyfriend, as she is smitten with a boy in ger class..I, personally, wanted to show up at her school and ”take out” the 10 year old monster of a boy for even laying eyes on my daughter..I could not control myself and barked at my daughter she will NEVER have a boyfriend and I was going to have her brithers take care of the little ba$tard in her classroom.
WRONG MOVE! My open line of communication went FLAT 6 seconds.
My wife had to work double time: on me and Isa. I had to understand a ten year old crush does not signify dating, love, and marriage..Isa was told, studies are more important,there is no need for ”boyfriend and girlfriend” labels as the two are already friends..We both had to answer ”mom’s self evaluating questions”, we both had to find our own ”truths.”...
So there is no trick..We teach our children according to our beliefs and our morals, I think the key is HOW we teach our children. I do not believe children now days do do not accept authority. I think children now days are very different than ours and past generations.
We can no longer just say ”no”..The kids want to know WHY..I don’t find this malicious or disrespectful, I find their questions necessary. So share, invite, explain, DON’T JUST TALK OR PREACH, communicate!
While Mexico is very ”modernized and mature” as far as sexuality (for the most post, this obviously doesnot include our very rural and indigenous areas), we are still very much a ”God-fearing- all is taboo” country when it comes to communication..
The typical ”actions are one thing, talking about it another” way of thinking...IMAGINE what children of our society are going thru? With this in mind, there is no other option but for PARENTS to adapt...Like I said, when you look at it as the possibility of life and death, it becomes much easier and even if it isn’t easy, open communication becomes a top priority obligation..
Like I said, I can’t take all the credit for my kids and our communication, as I enjoy the ”benefits after the fact”: my wife is on the ”front line”...
I have a ”not so subtle” way of speaking..even when I do not mean it, my words at times seem harsh...On the other hand, my wife will listen, patiently...and then give her opinion, her lessons, share her ”truths”. She doesn’t just preach..She invites communication by asking their thoughts.
”what do you think will become of this”, ”have you thought about that?”, ”why do you want this”, etc...She forces them to evaluate, to think...This has been going on since they were very little.
She doesn’t hide: she has spoken to each of them and has never hidden from their questions about anything..I have watched her squirm at being opened like a book for our kids and I have watched her almost bite her tongue in two to avoid reacting before listening first, but I am seeing our children flourish because of it..I, on the other hand, recieve the benfitis as our children now feel at ease with me as well...
Currently, our kids are 10 ,15 , and 22..Our youngest son is on the path to asking, for the first time, for a girl to be his girlfriend..This has been a three month endevor with ups and downs, fear and nerves for him, yet we have all stood behind him.. Our 22 year old, amazingly enough for our society, seldom drinks and does not use drugs:He is a contant figure in our home and interacts with all of us, not just coming and going between school and friends.
Our ten year old daughter...She is the one that will break me, personally..She is the one I cannot control my emotions before reacting..She came home asking at what age she could have a boyfriend, as she is smitten with a boy in ger class..I, personally, wanted to show up at her school and ”take out” the 10 year old monster of a boy for even laying eyes on my daughter..I could not control myself and barked at my daughter she will NEVER have a boyfriend and I was going to have her brithers take care of the little ba$tard in her classroom.
WRONG MOVE! My open line of communication went FLAT 6 seconds.
My wife had to work double time: on me and Isa. I had to understand a ten year old crush does not signify dating, love, and marriage..Isa was told, studies are more important,there is no need for ”boyfriend and girlfriend” labels as the two are already friends..We both had to answer ”mom’s self evaluating questions”, we both had to find our own ”truths.”...
So there is no trick..We teach our children according to our beliefs and our morals, I think the key is HOW we teach our children. I do not believe children now days do do not accept authority. I think children now days are very different than ours and past generations.
We can no longer just say ”no”..The kids want to know WHY..I don’t find this malicious or disrespectful, I find their questions necessary. So share, invite, explain, DON’T JUST TALK OR PREACH, communicate!
(Global Perspectives)
thank you very much for the clear concise examples, Oscar!
its been great sharing you done. thank you very much, I appreciate it :-)
its been great sharing you done. thank you very much, I appreciate it :-)
(Local Perspectives)
First Oscar It is people buying the drugs and feeding the insanity of greed, no buyers ,no drug lords, no worse than alcohol which has killed and caused more deaths and sadness than all wars and drugs combined,and yet like 95% of the world parents will through their actions teach that drinking is ok,and to use the excuse of i only have a soical drink is false your have to acquire a taste for booze so these people lie to themselves ,the same as sex it is used to sell or gain peoples attention in almost everything we see and do ,so yes children will learn whatever their culture puts in their heads good or bad ,you are doing what nature wants and is to protect your genes ,to get a higher place in the group ,nature wants dizzy not logic
Tim all i am trying to do is get people to think and being animal of the same spieces i can’t escape emotion but i have a better understanding than most
Tim all i am trying to do is get people to think and being animal of the same spieces i can’t escape emotion but i have a better understanding than most
(Global Perspectives)
Sex, drugs, alcohol...I cannot monitor my kids (maybe the youngest, but even that is doubtful) 24/7...and to be honest, by doing so, I will cripple them.
My wife and I, as parents want to educate our children..We want to give them ”survival tools” for this world, and that teaching them how to THINK and REASON.
Sadly, in many places, thinking has become a long forgotten act..Schools teach kids to memorize, parents prohibit, teaching ”this is good, and this is bad”..Unfortunatly life throws curve balls.... I want my kids to have the power to react in ANY situation. I can’t allow ”curve balls” to throw my kids off center and leave them defensless, crippled.
That is exactly why I do not force ”goods and bads” catagorically. I could say sex, drugs, alcohol are ”bad” but society says their okay..Society ISN’T going to change for the educational purposes of my children, so I HAVE TO CHANGE to assure they have proper tools in interacting and reacting within society.
While I wholeheartedly agree society is flooding our children with everything from sex to drugs to drunkness and children ”learn what they see”, I feel LEARNING does not equate LIVING.....That isthe difference between HUMANS and ANIMALS...we not only think, but have the power to relationalize and control our ”intstincts”...if taught.
My wife and I, as parents want to educate our children..We want to give them ”survival tools” for this world, and that teaching them how to THINK and REASON.
Sadly, in many places, thinking has become a long forgotten act..Schools teach kids to memorize, parents prohibit, teaching ”this is good, and this is bad”..Unfortunatly life throws curve balls.... I want my kids to have the power to react in ANY situation. I can’t allow ”curve balls” to throw my kids off center and leave them defensless, crippled.
That is exactly why I do not force ”goods and bads” catagorically. I could say sex, drugs, alcohol are ”bad” but society says their okay..Society ISN’T going to change for the educational purposes of my children, so I HAVE TO CHANGE to assure they have proper tools in interacting and reacting within society.
While I wholeheartedly agree society is flooding our children with everything from sex to drugs to drunkness and children ”learn what they see”, I feel LEARNING does not equate LIVING.....That isthe difference between HUMANS and ANIMALS...we not only think, but have the power to relationalize and control our ”intstincts”...if taught.
(Global Perspectives)
Oscar your thoughts are admirable but the way that humans are on earth right now,all you and your wife’s teachings countered by soical pressure and culture pressure may make your efforts futile,it is like raising cows in a barn and then letting them out for the first time not realizing most of the world are carnivores
Your not in the best country for you and your wife’s wishes for your children to have the best chances ,nether is the usa or canada ,or most on earth -we are a please me now people
Your not in the best country for you and your wife’s wishes for your children to have the best chances ,nether is the usa or canada ,or most on earth -we are a please me now people
(Global Perspectives)
Wayne,
I understand what you are saying Wayne and it is correct, you are valuable, as people learn in different ways.....you are reaching people just as I am. One Analytical to another. Yes that is my primary learning style. Bravo and Bless you.
I understand what you are saying Wayne and it is correct, you are valuable, as people learn in different ways.....you are reaching people just as I am. One Analytical to another. Yes that is my primary learning style. Bravo and Bless you.
(Global Perspectives)
I’m not in the best country for alot of things, but NOTHING is futile, especially when it comes to my children.
”raising cows in a barn and then letting them out for the first time not realizing most of the world are carnivores”
This quote is EXACTLY why it is so important to have an open line of communication with our children, this is why we can no longer just sit back and expect ”teachers or society” to OUR jobs. KIDS have to know that MOST of the WORLD is made up of ”carnivores”, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice...
There is no ”right or wrong” in parenting..No way of knowing if lessons will be learned, lived, or loved...but in the world we live today, I prefer to give my kids at least the tools necessary, the esteem, trust and so forth to THINK for themselves and make their own decisions based upon truths, not just common social ”law”....
Of course this doesn’t guarentee me anything.. We are human, we make mistakes...
”raising cows in a barn and then letting them out for the first time not realizing most of the world are carnivores”
This quote is EXACTLY why it is so important to have an open line of communication with our children, this is why we can no longer just sit back and expect ”teachers or society” to OUR jobs. KIDS have to know that MOST of the WORLD is made up of ”carnivores”, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice...
There is no ”right or wrong” in parenting..No way of knowing if lessons will be learned, lived, or loved...but in the world we live today, I prefer to give my kids at least the tools necessary, the esteem, trust and so forth to THINK for themselves and make their own decisions based upon truths, not just common social ”law”....
Of course this doesn’t guarentee me anything.. We are human, we make mistakes...
(Global Perspectives)
)
Oscar-I hope all your dreams and wishes come true for you and your wife and your children ,it will be a challenge but from your posts it seems you and your wife are up for it-the world needs more people like you and your wife to guide children for a better society
(Global Perspectives)
Timo-Glad you understand me better,we both would want the best for the children of the world but i am afraid it will be a long time in the making
(Global Perspectives)
)
thanks guys... you got the discussion going great.
Wayne, you brought out the best in Timo. Not only did you take his mind from taking a nap but you made him swing in action! thanks
@Timo, i bet you more active than what your page says about you and we could learn and share more from your vast experience. I know you got a couple of nice stories and stuff to share up your sleeve. I would love to hear more... ;)
Wayne, you brought out the best in Timo. Not only did you take his mind from taking a nap but you made him swing in action! thanks
@Timo, i bet you more active than what your page says about you and we could learn and share more from your vast experience. I know you got a couple of nice stories and stuff to share up your sleeve. I would love to hear more... ;)
(Local Perspectives)
It really isn’t easy discussing sex with children. As parents though, it is a responsibility. Besides, who would care most for a child than his or her parents? Teachers may teach our kids with the basic how a person gets impregnated and the techniques in order for girls not to become pregnant.
I may sound too old-fashioned, but I would feel devastated if my daughter bears a child, acquires AIDS, or simply gets hurt after someone gets into her and dump her. To avoid any of these, we discuss sex in the family - how to avoid sex before marriage, in particular. It’s the best way to protect your children from HIV. We instill in their minds that should they decide to get married, HIV test must be done with their partner in case they have had any sexual relations before.
Sexual intimacy can indeed be very pleasurable, but the effects can be fatal as well. We get sex education materials which feature the gravest effects of STDs to make them resist sex at a very young age. We help them understand that it will be more rewarding to give their virginity as a gift to their partner after the wedding. And that it would be pleasing to God’s eye to live with high moral standards.
Many of our readers might not agree with what I’m saying here, but a parent needs not command a child to dive into the Amazon river to just prove them piranhas are ferocious.
I may sound too old-fashioned, but I would feel devastated if my daughter bears a child, acquires AIDS, or simply gets hurt after someone gets into her and dump her. To avoid any of these, we discuss sex in the family - how to avoid sex before marriage, in particular. It’s the best way to protect your children from HIV. We instill in their minds that should they decide to get married, HIV test must be done with their partner in case they have had any sexual relations before.
Sexual intimacy can indeed be very pleasurable, but the effects can be fatal as well. We get sex education materials which feature the gravest effects of STDs to make them resist sex at a very young age. We help them understand that it will be more rewarding to give their virginity as a gift to their partner after the wedding. And that it would be pleasing to God’s eye to live with high moral standards.
Many of our readers might not agree with what I’m saying here, but a parent needs not command a child to dive into the Amazon river to just prove them piranhas are ferocious.
(Global Perspectives)
Add your Comment
It is now a matter of life and death and cannot afford to leave everything to the ”emotional world”
thanks for coming by :-)